


Back home

by thenightwolf732



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caring John, Eventual Johnlock, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Sherlock Holmes, Jealous John, Love Confessions, M/M, POV John Watson, POV Sherlock Holmes, Parental Greg Lestrade, Post-Episode: s04e02 The Lying Detective, Protective Greg Lestrade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23082214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenightwolf732/pseuds/thenightwolf732
Summary: John faces the consequences of hurting sherlock while Greg gives him the talk and stands up for sherlock when he wouldn't do it himself. and also happy johnlock ending. :)----Greg came back to sit on sherlock’s chair john looked up at him.“so what changed your mind?” john asked quietly.“what?” Greg answered coldly his eyes tearing into john’s.“last time you said I probably saved the psycho’s life by what I did in the morgue.” Understanding dawned on greg’s face. “So WHAT did change your mind?”-----
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & Greg Lestrade, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 48
Kudos: 170





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Silvergirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvergirl/gifts).



Sherlock slowly came to from his nap on the sofa. He rubbed his hand on his still aching ribs and opened his eyes. The flat was quiet, he looked around looking for molly but found greg sitting on john’s chair. He must’ve slept longer than he thought.  
“lestrade” he greeted quietly. Greg’s head turned to him smiling.  
“you alright mate?” he asked.” Molly left about an hour ago. She wanted to say goodbye but decided not to wake you.”  
“oh okay.” Sherlock said still groggy from his nap. “I don’t know why you people are still doing this. I promise I’m gonna stay clean.” he finished frowning.  
“well it’s not just that is it? “ lestrade said mirroring his frown. “you’re still recovering. You need someone to keep an eye on you. “  
Sherlock huffed in answer but Greg gave him another one of his smiles and said: “and hey it’s not that big of a deal eh? Just an excuse to hang out. “  
Hanging out… sherlock’s own words from yesterday echoed in his ears. John was supposed to be here at six. It was almost five now and it gave sherlock a painful sweet anticipation. After their talk yesterday he didn’t know what to expect. He just wished that they would be past the awkward cold atmosphere between them. 

Lestrade’s voice cut through sherlock’s memory of gray-blond hair on his cheek. “hmmm sorry? “  
“I was asking if you want anything to eat before your five o’clock meds.” He was standing in front of the kitchen now waiting for sherlock’s answer in his white shirt and black trousers. The clothes he usually wore for work.  
“um no I’m fine… anything interesting today?”  
“not your kind of interesting no.” his voice came from the kitchen while he was separating his medication and filling him a glass of water.  
“though there was a ridiculous one…” Lestrade continued after handing sherlock the water and the tablets and going back to his chair. “I think you’re gonna love this.” he chuckled.  
********************************************  
John made his way out of the cab after paying trying to keep track of the plastic bags of grocery. He put the bags near the door and checked his watch before getting the key out. Weird how sherlock never asked for it back. He was twenty minutes early but the sitter had taken rosie and there was no point in sitting in his own house waiting. He could not tolerate peace and quiet for long these days.  
He trudged up the stairs when he heard the laughter. He recognized greg’s voice and sherlock’s laugh which twitched something in his heart. He hadn’t heard it in a long time but the fact that he wasn’t the cause of it either made him taste something bitter in his mouth. He went in from the kitchen door.  
And the voices immediately stopped.  
“john? That you? “ greg said while he was putting the bags on the kitchen table.  
“yeah um “ he turned to face the living room his eyes swept over greg in his chair… stupid how he still thought of it as his chair when he hadn’t lived here in years… and fell on sherlock lying down on the sofa. He was not laughing anymore. He had the same hesitant look in his eyes that he had in the cake parlor yesterday.  
“We weren’t expecting you for another half an hour or something mate.” Greg stood up and came to the kitchen.  
“Yeah um… the sitter got rosie early and she has her for the night so I thought we’d give mrs.hudson the night off.” John said to greg while putting away the groceries.  
“OH FOR GOD’S SAKE” sherlock’s voice cut through the flat. “I don’t need minders twenty-four seven. “  
John couldn’t help the little smile at the tone that he hadn’t heard for so long. Seemed like his sherlock was slowly coming back. He’s not YOUR anything Watson pull your head out of your ass you just beat him to a pulp not so long ago. Suddenly not smiling wasn’t that hard anymore.  
********************************************  
John was here to stay...sherlock was over the moon for a moment until he said that he’s here to give mrs. Hudson a break. Like he needed a baby sitter for the night. Like he had enough of a reason to want to get high right now that john was here… not even just for the hours that he had agreed with before but for the whole night.  
“so you can go home right ahead greg thanks for everything.” John said with a serious tone as he was putting away the last of groceries that nobody asked him to buy.  
“Nah I have nothing to do at home I think I’ll just stay here for a few hours.” Greg answered with an equally cold voice before coming back to the living room and sitting on sherlock’s chair.  
What was going on with those two? They usually were so easy and warm to each other but now it felt like they had a previous argument that they were both trying to pretend that they hadn’t.  
“So back to my story…” He turned to sherlock still lying on the sofa. " yeah he literally swiped the whole floor with the crime scene unit and made them look like morons for messing up the bookcase.”  
He was talking about a case involving an Italian diplomat which had caused a detective from Rome police department to come down to London. A not so useless as-the-rest-of-them detective by the sounds of it.  
“he actually reminded me of you sherlock the way he dressed the way he noticed the details nobody else would.” Greg continued as john came to sit on his chair. “want me to get his number for you? I’d bet you’d make a scary couple.”  
At this sherlock thought back to john’s words…romantic entanglement …will complete you as a human being…if sherlock just casually said no to greg’s suggestion maybe john would start lecturing him again about love and romance and the woman.  
“yeah why not I’d like to meet anyone who would make an idiot out of your crime scene unit.” Sherlock said.  
At this john froze while staring at sherlock. He didn’t look satisfied as sherlock expected. He had a somber look in his eyes before averting them and mumbling something about tea and going to the kitchen.  
“Happy to do so mate. I’m sure you’ll find him at least interesting. “ lestrade said seemingly unaware of the turmoil in the room.  
The rest of the evening went by eventless while john made dinner in the kitchen. When his pasta and meat balls were ready he opened a couple of beers while greg went to help him bring the food to the living room. After they had put the plates down on the coffee table, john looked expectedly to sherlock who still had not moved much from his position on the sofa. The pain in his ribs were intolerable when he tried to get up and he didn’t want anyone to think he needed more babysitters around. But now He couldn’t eat while lying down. He really wished john would look away.  
Lestrade came to his side wordlessly and got his arm around his shoulder when he tried to get up and keep the grimace off his face. he managed to sit up without a whimper with greg’s help and accepted his plate of dinner. That was when he glanced at john sitting on his own chair with the darkest expression on his face.


	2. Chapter 2

The food felt like dry bread in john’s throat. Sherlock’s lips pressed in pain would not leave his mind. His slow and careful movements while eating his food. The fact that he had accepted the food without any resisting. John couldn’t help him sit up because he thought the last thing sherlock would want was his arms anywhere near him right now. and nobody would blame him including john. 

He sipped his zero alcohol beer to help him swallow. He was trying to cut back on alcohol. He didn’t want to be the person who hurts people he loves that easy. He wanted to be an actual father to his perfect daughter. But he knew that it didn’t matter how much he changed… he was still the john Watson that put sherlock holmes helpless and vulnerable in a hospital bed and left him alone in a building that belonged to a serial killer. 

“So how’s rosie doing? “ sherlock’s voice cut through his gloomy thoughts. He had almost finished his dinner. Thank god he was eating again; he’d gotten so thin. 

“Fine she’s fine” john cleared his throat. “seems to get along with her current sitter.” Sherlock was looking at him urging him to continue so he did. “I’m thinking about hiring her as a part-time nanny.” 

“good that’s good. “sherlock said quietly. “maybe I could help you …. I mean after a while…only if you like…I could help to keep her when you need to work… with Mrs. Hudson nearby of course.”

Sherlock trailed off looking back to his empty plate. John’s heart broke for the millionth time. Sherlock didn’t think he’d trust him to have Rosie by himself but he was still offering to help after the despicable message john had sent him through molly.  
“Sure yeah” john tried to smile. “I would really appreciate the help. Thank you sherlock. “  
Sherlock nodded with his tentative smile.

“of course you need to get better first. “Greg said coldly.  
John looked at him expecting him to be talking to sherlock but he was looking directly at john. He hadn’t picked up on it before but he felt the anger now. it was interesting how the only thing he felt was gratitude at him for being sherlock’s friend and watching out for him. He’d liked it more if Greg wasn’t trying to set him up with a hot Italian guy, but who was he kidding. He had no right… no right at all to anything from sherlock. Hell he’d even tried to make him get to Irene Adler yesterday. Although that didn’t come out the way he really meant, it didn’t change what he said. 

“I’m FINE.” Sherlock said loudly. Greg narrowed his eyes at sherlock at that but seemed to let it go for now. Sherlock tried to stand up while huffing to himself and both john and Greg moved to help him.  
“RELAX DAMMIT” sherlock shouted. “just going to the bathroom not to shoot up… you can calm down.” Greg got up anyway and hovered behind him while sherlock made his way to the bathroom through the kitchen. His movements were slow and careful and every low “hiss” that john thought he heard from the man, made his heart sink lower and lower. 

Greg came back to sit on sherlock’s chair john looked up at him.  
“so what changed your mind?” john asked quietly.  
“what?” Greg answered coldly his eyes tearing into john’s.  
“last time you said I probably saved the psycho’s life by what I did in the morgue.” Understanding dawned on Greg's face. “So what DID change your mind?”

“The security camera.” He explained simply. “That was not taking control of the situation john … not after the first two seconds.”  
Greg wasn’t even trying to hide his rage anymore. And john was so grateful to him for it.  
“I know god I know” John said all the energy leaving him. “You can’t possibly hate me more than I do myself.”  
“I don’t …” Greg stammered, his expression softening. “I don’t hate you john…I understand that you’ve had it so difficult these past few years…I know that... I was there for all of it ... but I’m not gonna let you take it out on sherlock anymore.”  
“I will never …” john tried to talk through the ball that seemed to be stuck in his throat.  
“and I don’t just mean physically,” Greg said frustrated. “I’m sure the idiot doesn’t even care about what you did in the hospital but that you push him away… that you blame him for mary.” 

“I DON’T” john exclaimed. “I don’t….I blamed myself and pretending that it was his fault was just easier than facing it. But I know …I … I get how cruel I was…I’m trying…I’m trying to change.”  
Greg nodded but he didn’t look completely satisfied.  
“I will NEVER hurt him again like that. I’m going to therapy…I’ll…I’m working on it.” John didn’t know who he was trying to persuade more, greg or himself.  
“Alright mate I believe you. I’m here for …”  
But the sound of glass shattering in the bathroom stopped him in mid-sentence.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here we are... the last bit of angst and whole lot of fluff. I really hope you guys like it. :)

Sherlock was already worn out when he started brushing his teeth. His hands were shaking worse than they had during the day, his chest was in agony and the water glass in his left hand wasn’t helping. He spat the last of paste and gurgled one more time. Suddenly he felt like his whole body was on pins and needles. His vison tunneled then he couldn’t see anything past the darkness. He couldn’t hear anything over the thunder in his ears. His knees buckled but he threw his hands on the sink to stop himself from falling.  
Slowly sensation came back to his legs and arms and his vision cleared. That was when he felt the new sharp pain in his left palm. he saw the red splattered in the sink among the pieces of his glass.  
“..lock?” he started hearing too. “sherlock? Are you all alright? I’m coming in.”  
John and greg came through the door in haste. Sherlock tried to dislodge his hands from the edge of the sink and stand straight but seemed like he was frozen and with any movement he’d fall over. -Pathetic sherlock. And not even when you’re alone too. Can’t even brush you bloody teeth without adult supervision?- The voice inside his head went on.  
“hey hey hey it’s okay it’s okay” john grabbed his elbow gently and wrapped his other arm around sherlock’s back. Sherlock couldn’t help but lean onto his arms. he didn’t particularly care where john was leading him. He never did actually. John gave him a little push and sat him on the edge of the bathtub, his left wrist gripped and held higher by john.  
“it’s alright it’s fine…” john continued in a soft voice. “Greg can you get his slippers from under his bed? There is more glass on the floor.”  
Sherlock was vaguely aware of greg hurrying to his room and back and then out again. His palm was dripping blood in the tub, making stunning patterns against the porcelain.  
“okay sherlock can you stand? I need to wash your hand before checking it. “ sherlock turned up his head and nodded. Wondering what john was thinking now. was he already cursing himself for getting back to 221b and having to clean up his messes again? Or was he regretting ever considering putting his daughter in his care now that he couldn’t even do the simplest things on his own.  
He got up and went back to the sink; john’s arms not leaving him.  
“be careful of the glass shards I’ll clean it up in a bit. “ greg said sweeping the few pieces off the floor.  
John gently washed his hand and sat him back down on the tub. he was checking for any forgotten shards in his palm, when greg left the bathroom.  
“Sherlock? Are you alright? You’re not saying anything… it’s getting a bit scary now.” john whispered.  
Sherlock was avoiding his eyes pretending to be staring at the gash inside his hand but at that he looked up to find john’s concerned eyes searching his.  
“I’m sorry” sherlock cleared his throat. “ The glass …I .. I think I smashed it…”  
“I don’t care about that… just asking if you’re alright. “ john was using a voice sherlock hadn’t heard in a long time. Like he actually was worried about him. Like he cared if anything happened to him. He nodded but He actually felt like crying. John seemed to think it was enough.  
“It’s already stopped bleeding. I’ll just put some antibiotic on and wrap it up. “  
It felt like a scene out of a memory. John kneeling in front of sherlock in the bathroom, patching him up and telling him it was alright. And maybe it would be. Maybe sherlock should get himself in trouble again to feel john’s hands on his skin. -You were never a puzzle solver …You are a drama queen.- Right again john. Sherlock chuckled to himself.  
“what? “ John stopped and looked up at him.  
“Nothing just that gavin has been gone for a long time. Do you think blood makes him nauseous?” sherlock lied easily.  
“rather unfortunate for a homicide detective.” John said smirking and continued wrapping his palm.  
Sherlock hummed in agreement.  
“okay all done.” John said. “let’s get you to bed you still need the rest.” John’s expression had darkened again. The amused smirk gone like smoke.  
*******************************************************  
“I put a change of clothes on your bed” Greg said from the door. “You’ve got blood on them.”  
John slowly snaked his arm around sherlock and held his elbow with his other hand. He hadn’t shaken john’s touches off yet so he figured he’d still be okay with him helping.  
They got up and made their way to the bedroom. John slowly lowered him to his bed while sherlock was biting his lip and breathing heavily, trying so hard to hide his pain.  
“need a hand with your clothes? “ john asked quietly.  
“NO…I’m fine ... I apologize for the inconvenience… goodnight Lestrade…night john.”  
Well if that wasn’t a perfect dismissing.  
“night mate.”greg said.  
John nodded and followed him out the door. Greg walked to grab his coat and phone. “right…I’m off then.”  
“thank you” john said. “for everything.” Greg nodded awkwardly before leaving.  
John settled on the couch deciding to have a read before actually sleeping. But he couldn’t focus through the tangle of thoughts in his head. He wanted to apologize. But an apology seemed so ridiculous for what he had done. Besides, what would he say? Sorry I was an arsehole? If anyone had done what I did to you, I would’ve killed them? It all sounded empty and meaningless.  
After a couple of hours, he gave up on trying to read and grabbed the blanket to make himself more cozy. That was when he heard it. The muffled shout from sherlock’s bedroom.

John almost stumbled over his feet in hurry to get to the man.  
“sherlock?” he said after he opened the door. “sherlock… what’s wrong?”  
The room was dark and sherlock was panting and whimpering. John turned on the bedside lamp and knelt beside the bed. Sherlock was on his side facing the door. His arms wrapped around himself. It seemed like a nasty nightmare if the agonized frown on sherlock was anything to go by.  
“sherlock? Wake up” john said loudly. “It’s just a nightmare.” He put his hand on his shoulder and shook him while calling again.  
Sherlock’s tearful eyes opened and found john’s in the semi-dark room. He continued panting. But at least the painful expression was going away. He turned on his back with a whimper and stared at the ceiling.  
“sorry” he said voice hoarse from sleep and shouting.  
“It’s okay.”john got up from his position beside the bed. “water? “ sherlock shook his head slightly.  
“alright” john didn’t want to know what sherlock was dreaming about. He was afraid that it was himself. That he was the villain of sherlock’s nightmares now. it would be more than he could take.  
He moved to go back to the living room but sherlock grabbed his wrist. He still was staring at the ceiling.  
“stay?” john almost didn’t hear him. He couldn’t ....wouldn’t turn him down this way. He stumbled to get in the bed; sherlock moved further to open up space for him. But john didn’t lie down. He sat against the headboard. He hesitated a second before putting his fingers through sherlock’s hair massaging his scalp. He was immensely grateful when he saw sherlock close his eyes, all tension leaving his body. 

John turned the light off and continued playing with sherlock’s curls. Something he always wanted to do. His breathing had slowed down so john thought he was back to sleep.  
“It’s always the same place.” Sherlock shocked him out of his stance. they were talking about it then. John braced himself for more details.  
“the roof of barts. “ sherlock continued. John frowned in confusion. He was not expecting that.  
“what was happening? “ he couldn’t help but ask. Now that his eyes were adapted, he could see sherlock’s expression in the dim light coming through the blinders.  
“This time? He was holding you over the edge. I was trying to get to you but I couldn’t move. “ sherlock said his voice shaking in the end. “ It was like my feet were cemented in and he was laughing.”  
John let out the breath he was holding. There was no need to ask who “he” was. John couldn’t even be relieved that his initial guess was wrong. The pain in sherlock’s voice was ripping into his chest.  
“and then it changed. We were in the cell… and… and he was carving you up. You were screaming and I couldn’t DO anything.” Sherlock was panting again so john continued massaging his head which he had stopped.  
“shshshsh” he said trying to keep the shudder out of his own voice. “ it was just a nightmare. I’m here.” John had to ask where the cell was but not now. a tear shined on sherlock’s temple and john lost it. Suddenly he was seeing another tear that was running down sherlock’s nose as he was doubled over in pain on a mortuary floor.  
“hey hey hey “ john turned around crouching and held sherlock’s face in his hands. Those beautiful eyes were not supposed to be so wet. John wouldn’t let it happen anymore. He couldn’t stop himself before kissing sherlock’s temple. Kissing away the tears and then his forehead. He wished he could send what he was feeling and thinking through his kisses. I’m sorry. I should’ve been there for you. I’m here now.

Sherlock was looking at him with the most vulnerable expression he had ever seen. And then he didn’t know which one of them moved forward; their lips met halfway. It was the most precious kiss john could imagine. Soft gentle and so full of desperation. John kissed like his life depended on it.  
I love you. I’m sorry. I love you. I got you now.  
Sherlock’s bandaged hand came up to john’s face. john pulled away and kissed his palm without opening his eyes. He slid from his uncomfortable position to lie down and hid his face in the crook of sherlock’s neck. He could feel the flutter of his heartbeat on his skin. he breathed in trying to calm himself. to make sense of what was happening. 

Sherlock’s arm came up and wrapped around john’s back holding him close. John moved a little away not wanting to hurt his ribcage. And also to peak at sherlock’s face. he found his eyes already searching john’s. and apparently seeing what he wanted. Because a second later, he was smiling his most rarest smile. The smile that john had only ever seen directed to himself.  
“john Watson’’ sherlock said his voice heavy. “you will be the death of me. “  
John chuckled shakily and slid down carefully pushing his face to sherlock’s side wrapping his arm and legs around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know if I should add an epilogue or end it here where my boys are snuggly and happy from kissing.   
> anyways... tell me what you think :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys sorry this last bit took so long. I wasn't feeling very good. Anyways... I am really grateful of you for reading this and commenting and sticking with me :) i hope you like the end too.

Sherlock didn’t dare to move. John had him tangled in his limbs and sherlock was enjoying it too much to move a muscle. For the first time in… ever, he felt happy… he felt safe and warm inside his battered and abused heart. The heart that was healing already.he felt home. It had started when the octopus around him, started kissing him and washed away his pain. 

John’s breathing had slowed and deepened. He was obviously asleep. But sherlock didn’t want to follow suit; afraid that the second he loses consciousness, all this vanishes. That this was all just a dream. But john was back, he had taken care of him with his gentle healer hands and he had kissed him.

He didn’t want to think of tomorrow, of what john’s expression would be when he actually thought about tonight. Sherlock’s chest tightened imagining john’s regret, of his repeated “I’m not gay”s. he inhaled sharply. He couldn’t live with that knowing now what it felt like to be wrapped up in john’s sleepy arms. But whatever happened, he still had this. His arm was on john’s back holding him, stealing his warmth through his tshirt. And He WOULD NOT sleep. He focused on john’s rhythmic breathing and his puffs of breath warming his aching side. 

*****************  
Sherlock was becoming aware of movement that was dragging him out of his dreamless slumber. His room wasn’t lit much but it wasn’t pitch black either.  
“shit” someone said quietly. Sherlock was vaguely aware of an unpleasant thought in the back of his head, behind the feeling of the absolute bliss that had spread all over his body. The distant thought was like a bad news that he didn’t want to remember yet. He was too sleepy to grasp on it so he simply tried to slip back to sleep when John quickly untangled himself from the blanket and got up and hurried out the bedroom. 

He felt the mattress dip again before a hand was touching his shoulder.  
“sherlock?” john said. “God I forgot to wake you up for your five o’clock meds.”  
Sherlock came to suddenly, everything from last night crashing into his memory. He opened his eyes and slowly turned his head to john’s face, afraid of what he would find there.  
“hey.” Said john with a grimace. “I’m so sorry I left my phone on the couch last night… I … the alarm…it’s not too late yet… good thing they’re not antibiotics… “

John was rambling on while looking at sherlock apologetically with his disarrayed hair. Sherlock couldn’t help smiling when he pulled himself up to the headboard and accepted the tablets and the water.  
After john put the water glass back on the side table, he didn’t move from his position of sitting on the bed cross-legged and staring at the pillow. An odd silence fell. A silence so delicate, felt like it can be broken with a single misspoken word.  
“so” john inhaled deeply; finally looking at sherlock. “ I kinda cocked up the morning after didn’t I? “  
Sherlock chuckled which triggered john’s ever so adorable giggle. Tension left sherlock’s bones and he sagged against the pillows. This couldn’t be that bad. Of course if john regretted anything, he wouldn’t be looking at sherlock with so much compassion right?  
“okay … so “ john said after taking a deep breath. “can we start over? Our morning after? “  
Sherlock’s heart was beating against his throat. He nodded and john’s lips were on his one second later. This kiss felt different than last night. The intensity and hunger in john’s kiss was making electricity spark in sherlock’s heart all through to his feet. John was running his fingers through his curls and pulling him further towards himself. Sherlock couldn’t stop himself from moaning in john’s mouth.  
John pulled away after what seemed like a million years. Sherlock moved himself so he’d lie his head on john’s heart. He felt like he could die from happiness. Like he could stay in this bed on this man his entire life without getting tired.  
John was playing with his hair like he did last night. It was like he pulled every thought from his head one by one and filled their place with peace.  
“God I love you. “john said quietly. As if he was just talking to himself. Like he hadn’t just flipped sherlock’s world with three words. He didn’t know how to answer. A simple I love you too seemed like an understatement compared to what john was to him.  
How could he put in words that if john left him now he would simply cease to exist? that without him his entire world was colorless and bleak anyways. So instead he just turned around and found his way back to john’s lips. His entire mind was occupied with john. John’s lips... john’s tongue on his. John’s teeth on his lip. John’s hand around his neck on his cheek pushing him gently to the pillow.  
“don’t..”sherlock swallowed. john pulled back instantly waiting. “ If this is… if you… this is the most important…. You are the most important person to me john.” Sherlock finally finished a sentence.huray to him. “if this isn’t the same to you….I’d rather know now.”  
The realization made john smile sadly. “ I’m the one that has to worry sherlock. I’ve wanted this for years. What about you? Are you sure you don’t want to give the Italian dude a try?” john failed at trying to joke. Sherlock could now see how that one sentence had rattled him.  
“You’re all I have ever needed. Lestrade can have the foreigner to himself. “ sherlock smiled up at john.  
********************************  
John wanted to cry. Sherlock was sprawled under him looking at him like he was the sun and the moon at the same time while his eye was still bloody the stitches still in the eyebrow.  
“how ..”john’s voice broke. He took a deep breath. He had to do this. “how can you still want this after… want me after… what I did?” john couldn’t continue looking in sherlock’s eyes so he just stared at his lips instead.  
“you were grieving… “sherlock whispered. John looked up at him then and saw that greg was right. Sherlock didn’t still think that john was in the wrong here.  
“no no no no.” john sat up straight, his hand on sherlock’s shoulder and chest. “no listen to me sherlock holmes. I am grateful that by some miracle you still want me around... even as more than a friend. But we cannot work if you still think what I did to you was acceptable.”  
Sherlock was frowning at him his lips pressed. John was feeling his heartbeat under his hand.  
“I am sorry” john continued his voice softening. “ you cannot imagine how sorry I am. and… and I am working on it…I’m getting help from professionals to insure that I will never be that person again. And if you…if you let me I will make it up to you the rest of my life.”  
At this sherlock’s breath hitched. “but you need to promise me… to hold me accountable for whatever I do…and I promise I will do the same. “  
“I promise. “ sherlock nodded pulling him down to himself again. this time john didn’t resist.

**Author's Note:**

> the Italian detective I mentioned is inspired by a character from "drawn to the stars" by silvergirl which I loved very much. if you like johnlock and also like to watch john get jealous over sherlock being with gorgeous guys, you gotta check it out too. ;)  
> Thank you for reading ...I hope you liked it and stick with me to the end. your comments make me extremely happy and please if you can think of any way I could improve my writing, I would really appreciate it. :)  
> Also you can find me on tumblr by the same name please drop in. I'd love to make friends ☺


End file.
